Music and Television when put in the right mix can bring forth emotions that are hard to come out otherwise. A TV show I was watching tonight did that to me and I needed it. Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist has dealt with the impending death of the lead character’s father.
The season finale Zoey’s dad passed away and it brought back a lot of memories and feelings to when my own dad passed away in August 2019. The same struggle at the end and all the things that went along with his final days were portrayed very poignantly here.
I hadn’t cried a lot since then and it was a little healing and cathartic when I wept tonight. Grief is a weird thing and it can be on you at any time. I am glad to have been able to have a little release. I didn’t know it was needed. There will be more times when that will happen again.
Happiness is a deeply personal thing that is so fluid and dynamic. I haven’t been truly happy for a long time. Sure I have had moments of joy but nothing long term. People worry about me because I am not full of happy awesome sauce right now and I appreciate their concern. Don’t worry about me. I am not suicidal or anything drastic.
The year 2019 took a lot out of me and I don’t know when my emotional tank will be full again. I suppose it takes a year of recovery to get over a year of hardship, emotional stress, and the death of my father. I am very much a work in progress. People who go through this come out different on the other side and I can accept this.
Believe me, I am grateful for all the support. It’s going to take a while. Being my old self might not be what is in the cards.
Mental health is linked to physical health in so many ways. It’s important to take care of yourself holistically because the world is a tough place to cope with.
For me in this season of life, grief is a part of that mental and spiritual health piece you cannot ignore. Losing a loved one can impact your whole being. The emotional response to loss is very individual and sorting it all out takes time.
Getting help and support can make the difference. Don’t go through the tough times alone. Plenty of people who have gone through times of illness can guide you through. Of course taking care of self is important too. Whether it be a doctor or counselor or clergy person there are resources out there when you need it.
Grief I have found is like spaghetti. There is a whole lot going on with a plate full and you don’t know which strands to start with first. What I mean by that is every strand is a different issue in your grieving whether it be the loss of a loved one or a friend. The size pile could represent how many years where you in each others lives. There is also on what terms did you leave things when they departed. How the spaghetti tastes could be how much you enjoyed your time together because delicious spaghetti is something you like to have all the time.
How big of a bite of this plate full of issues are you going to take and does it all make sense. This is what I am dealing with is how do I address all of it. One bite at a time makes the most sense but there is frustration and how do you cope with it.
The picture above is plain spaghetti it’s when you add sauce and cheese is when it could become something different indeed. I hope this all makes sense.