Happiness is a deeply personal thing that is so fluid and dynamic. I haven’t been truly happy for a long time. Sure I have had moments of joy but nothing long term. People worry about me because I am not full of happy awesome sauce right now and I appreciate their concern. Don’t worry about me. I am not suicidal or anything drastic.
The year 2019 took a lot out of me and I don’t know when my emotional tank will be full again. I suppose it takes a year of recovery to get over a year of hardship, emotional stress, and the death of my father. I am very much a work in progress. People who go through this come out different on the other side and I can accept this.
Believe me, I am grateful for all the support. It’s going to take a while. Being my old self might not be what is in the cards.